As soon as the lunch dishes were stacked in the sink last Sunday, Daddy was ready to share his latest creation, "my writings," as he calls them. This time, he presented not a collection of "wise sayings" or a list of recommended music (though you should probably listen to some Dinah Washington and Louis Armstrong as you read this, just to be on the safe side). Apparently, Daddy figures that anybody who has watched as many movies as he has should be able to write a screenplay. It's only outlined, mind you. No dialog yet, and the details need to be fleshed out. Locations have yet to be scouted (though he's got a full tank of gas in his pickup, so that could happen any minute now). All the greats of American cinema had to start somewhere, right? Herewith, Daddy's outline. He says it's "loosely" based on personal experience.
MOVIE TITLE: My Recurring Dream
Scene 1: Man retires.
Scene 2: Man has first medical exam in 10 years. Doctor prescribes stomach pill.
Scene 3: Second visit. Doctor prescribes headache pill.
Scene 4: Third visit. Doctor suspects man has "that sleep apney" and recommends apparatus. Man tells doctor, "I ain't doin' that."
Scene 5: Fourth visit. Doctor prescribes blood pressure pill, etc., etc., until medicine cabinet is full. Doctor says, "You can't miss a pill or you will die." Doctor adds, "Take them on a full stomach or that might kill you, too." Man panics. Can't keep pills straight. Can't even get the tops off bottles because they're child-proof (which means that adults with arthritis can't open them without a wrench). Man gets hammer to break bottles open. Tries to eat before taking medication, but phone keeps ringing. It's the pharmacy alerting him that more prescriptions are ready for pickup.
Scene 5: Man awakens, exhausted but elated that it was only a dream.
SCREENWRITER'S NOTE: "Chevy Chase could do this."