Congealed Salads: Just Say No

I've said it before and I'll say it again: there's no such thing as a "good" congealed salad. My mother sees this as an indication of some great failure on her part—the same way she would feel if I waltzed into church wearing shorts, flip-flops, and an "I Slept on Panama City Beach" T-shirt. It's just tacky. It demonstrates a lack of refinement on my part and casts doubt on my qualifications as a Southern hostess. But here are my issues with those salads. They are squishy. They have confusing textures. One minute you're in cream cheese and Cool Whip, the next, you've got pecans or marshmallows or shredded carrots in your mouth. And somewhere in all of that is Jell-O—a perfectly respectable food group on its own, but with raisins? And then there's the color palette. Green food should be crisp and snappy or fried—like lettuce or asparagus or okra. Green food should not jiggle. Ever. And yet, the first congealed salad I remember was lime green. And so Mama knew she had a fight on her hands when she insisted that I try yet another one for Sunday lunch yesterday. I tried to resist, but she hit me with the Raised Eyebrow of Mama Shame and I caved. I have to say, as congealed salads go, it wasn't bad—pretzels and strawberries and Cool Whip, etc. But as long as you're going to the trouble to make a dessert, why not just make a brownie? There. In the immortal words of Holly Hunter in O Brother, Where Art Thou,  "I've said my peace and counted to three." (But back to the brownie idea, check this one out at my friend James Schend's blog. He's a former Southern Living foodie who now works his culinary magic in San Francisco.)  http://www.dairyfreed.com/2011/05/brownies.html

 

Comments

[James]

Ha! I have to disagree with you on one thing. I make a heck of a green margarita jell-O, guaranteed to put any proper church lady under the table with just 2 small servings, and I'm afraid it does jiggle.

But thanks for the brownie plug. Which, by the way, where do you stand in the vote? http://www.dairyfreed.com/2011/05/brownies.html

[Nellah McGough]

You can't beat strawberry pretzel salad-yum!

[valerieluesse]

I guess I'll have to break down and post that recipe:)

[valerieluesse]

James, could you sneak that wicked Jell-O past Mama somehow?:) And RE the brownies, I'm really not picky, but I lean toward a no-nut, no-frosting variety. Gooey texture is a requirement. If I wanted cake, I'd make one:)

[candy mccranie hicks]

This one had me laughing out loud at work and people wondering what was soooooo funny.
I will pass it on..........
THANKS AGAIN ;)

[Susan Parks Crump]

I think that you are the first person in our family that has admitted to not liking congealed salads. You'll be proud to know that you aren't alone. I am in total agreement...always have been. And I am raising two little girls that turn their nose up as soon as they realize "there is something in that Jell-O!"

[valerieluesse]

Maybe a support group is in order? But the girls are right! That's what's so disturbing—you don't know what's in the Jell-O!!

[valerieluesse]

Too funny, Candy! So happy I have your coworkers talking about you:)