Siri Ain't from Alabama

I have discovered a rare design flaw in an Apple product. Siri can't speak Southern. In case you are even later than I am in joining the iPhone Club, let me explain. Dave and I were on the way home from Illinois when my old smart phone, a Droid, passed away. We had it plugged into the charger as we cruised along, when suddenly it started saying "Droid," "Droid," "Droid," over and over again. We couldn't figure out how to make it stop, so we pulled over and put it in the trunk, where it apparently continued talking to itself till it developed laryngitis. The minute we got home, off to Verizon Wireless I went, armed with an AmEx and an excuse to buy an iPhone, which I had wanted for months. When the salesman explained to me that the more expensive model came with Siri, the talking iPhone assistant who could take dictation and free me from typing text messages, I whipped out my credit card faster than a gun slinger at the OK Corral. My good friend and freelance employer, Gary, who can text faster than I can talk, says he knows that if he sends me three texts in a row, he can expect a phone call because I just can't face typing that many messages. But dictating them? You betcha. Or so I thought. My first message to him went something like this: "Well, I finally got an iPhone!" At least that's what I said. What Siri HEARD was "Whale, I finally got an iPhone." Later I tried: "Just wanted to see how y'all are." Siri heard: "Just wanted to see how are you out there." I couldn't even give that woman the text address. "To whom shall I send it?" Siri asked. "Gary Wright," I replied. Pause. Pause. "I do not understand Ferierai," Siri said. And so I am penning a suggestion to the good folks at Apple, whose work I so admire:

Dear Apple,

Before your next upgrade to the iPhone, please send Siri for some intensive study in the Southern dialect. Send her to a mixer at Ole Miss. And a crawfish boil in Louisiana. Feed that girl some catfish and fried green tomatoes, for heaven's sake. Better yet, offer a Southern alternative to Siri. Her name could be Artis or Vernell or maybe something double like Lula Fay. And before she listens to what we want her to do, she would tell us how her mama's doing and why them new choir robes clash with that carpet down at the church and oughta be carried back and did you know prices keep a-goin' up even at the WALMART dear heaven what's the world comin' to . . .

Sincerely,

A Misunderstood Customer in Alabama

Comments

[Jenny Rowe]

That is so funny. Did you see the episode of "The Big Bang Theory" when the tongue-tied guy said "Siwi, find the closet Westaurant." Siri says, "I don't recognize 'Westaurant.'" It was so funny. She does need to be a little more Southern.

[valerieluesse]

So glad y'all got a chuckle! Jenny, I missed that one!

[Darryl Moland]

HILARIOUS! You put that just right!

[Karen Spears Zacharias]

If you change her to the Brit version of English it is so much worse. Apparently Brits can't understand southerners at all. C'mon Apple. Don't you employ anyone south of the Mason Dixon line?

[valerieluesse]

We are truly a misunderstood people, Karen:)

[valerieluesse]

Thanks to all who commented and got a chuckle out of my rocky introduction to Siri!!

[Lynn]

HA,HA! I thought it was just me and Siri!Too funny Val! Love you and your humor!

[valerieluesse]

Thanks, Lynn! I told somebody the other day that the older I get, the more I have in common with Lucy Ricardo:)