My friend Nancy gave me a bracelet with the inscription, For I know the plans I have for you . . . plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. (Jeremiah 29:11)
I wore that bracelet every day when I first went back to Southern Living because I was so afraid that I wouldn’t be able to measure up. And also because I couldn’t see where my life was going—all these seemingly random things kept happening to me, but they weren’t leading anywhere—or so I thought. I’m not talking about a period of weeks or months—I’m talking about a period of six years. My parents and Dave kept assuring me that everything would eventually come together, but I couldn't see it.
I still wear Nancy’s bracelet anytime I’m feeling anxious or insecure—which is to say, regularly. But I also wear it to remind myself of something I learned from some brilliant scientists for whom I freelanced at the UAB School of Nursing: You don’t know what you don’t know. That’s why we explore.
You don’t know what you don’t know—and we have no idea how much God knows that we don’t. When I left Southern Living back in 2010, I started Goin’ Down to Mama’s with visions of creating my own audience, my own little digital magazine of sorts. And I worked really hard at it. I couldn’t understand why God didn’t bless me with a huge audience that would attract enough advertising to pay the power bill and keep Hank and Cheeto in Fancy Feast. Eventually, I got discouraged and stopped posting very much, except on Sunday, which was the one piece that always seemed to draw readers. I decided I had to focus on paying jobs.
Now, having gone back to the magazine and worked with some mighty savvy young digital editors, I know why I wasn’t blessed with that huge audience: Because I knew absolutely nothing about search engine optimization or the gazillion other things I needed to know in order to be successful online. Also, some of those “it’s not great but it’s good enough for a blog” posts that I wrote? Ick. I look back at them and think, “You could’ve done a whole lot better—and readers deserve a whole lot better.” Bottom line: I hadn’t prepared myself for what I thought I wanted.
Working on the magazine’s 50th anniversary book was, without a doubt, one of the hardest things I’ve ever done because there was so much pressure to deliver quality (and so much emotion attached to it—I was writing about the people who had mentored and nurtured me for years). But through that very difficult project, I met an editor who would later become my agent and sell my first novel (thank you, Leslie Stoker). And I was invited back to the magazine, where I’ve seen the most success in the pieces I write for . . . the website—the kind of writing I used to do on my blog. All those humor pieces that I labeled “all for nothing” back in 2012 and 2013—they were schooling me to write for southernliving.com, and I’ve had more fun doing that than I’ve had on any other job in a long, long time.
The moral of this rambling story: If you keep putting one foot in front of the other and praying for guidance, that “complete waste of time” that’s frustrating you right now might be preparing you for something pretty amazing down the road. You don’t know what you don’t know.
Very good Valarie and so true. "We don't know what we don't know". I always enjoy reading your stories. They are always so good and I can relate to most of them in some way. Congratulations on your book and may it be very successful. Just continue the good work.
Posted by: Yvonne Clinkscales | October 16, 2016 at 02:17 PM
Valerie, I have read and admired your work for years. It is so hard for me to imagine you struggling with self-doubt or feeling "less than." Thank you so much for your honesty and generosity in sharing your journey. I'm a little behind on the blog, but this word of encouragement tonight could not have been more perfectly timed for me, and I deeply appreciate it. Blessings!
Posted by: Deb Welch | October 31, 2016 at 07:19 PM
Thank you so much, Deb! You made my morning. I'm thrilled that you have been enjoying the blog all this time. And I know we're all busy, so I appreciate the time you spend with Goin' Down to Mama's:) Have a great week!
Posted by: Valerie | November 01, 2016 at 04:55 AM
Thanks so much, Yvonne! I'm a little behind on my blog because of all we've had going on. Maybe I can do a book signing at First Baptist, and you and Jane and I can do a number!
Posted by: Valerie | November 01, 2016 at 04:58 AM