Goin' Down to Mama's

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: New Year's Resolutions

On this, the dawn of 2013,
I, Hank the Cat, hereby resolve . . . 

To nap even more than I did last year. 
(An ambitious goal, but you gotta aim high
if you wanna be a contender.)

To score bacon and/or tuna several times a week. 
(Ah, but a cat's reach should exceed his grasp or what's a bowl of Fancy Feast for?)

To catch more than I release, perfect my high jump onto the roof of the neighbors' garage, and commit to leaving muddy paw prints on that Dave guy's car right after he washes it—
EVERY SINGLE TIME, no excuses.

To toss my cookies before guests who've never seen me do it.
(Shouldn't take long—most of 'em have seen my work.)

Did we cover napping? Because that's a biggie for me.
Like the Army commercial says, sleep all that you can sleep.
At least that's what I think they said.
Those guys know what they're talkin' about. Go Army.

 

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #17

During this, the hectic holiday rush, remember—
you can't take care of others
if you don't take care of yourself.
Get plenty of rest, fresh air, and sunshine.
Actually, you could probably get by without the fresh air.
Now that I think about it, you might also wanna
ditch all those pesky "others."
It's the nap in the sun you're after.
Trust me on this one.

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #16

With holiday lights aglow and Christmas carols on iTunes . . .

take a moment to reflect on the magic of—hang on a sec—is that a chipmunk in the neighbor's yard?

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #14

And now, a message of national unity from Hank the Cat:

It's not about whether you voted Democrat or Republican.

It's about whether you remembered to buy Whisker Lickin's.
Because I'm running out. And things could get ugly real soon.

My Cat Needs Kleenex

Hank's joyful embrace of cool weather—actually, it was more of a sleepy embrace—seems to have caught up with him. As you can see from this photo, he had a hard time getting motivated to be productive yesterday morning. Then in the afternoon, he started sneezing more than usual. This morning he has a touch of the sniffles and, after briefly venturing onto the deck, he came straight back inside and curled up on the couch. I would not be at all surprised to see him prowling the bathroom closet in search of Nyquil and Vick's Vapor Rub—which will be the dickens to get out of that fur. Better put it under lock and key . . .

P.S. Hank's demeanor when he's "a little puny," as my mother says, reminds me of this greeting card I saw a hundred years ago. On the front was Kermit the Frog, with the logo "Happy thoughts make happy people." But then you open it, and there's Oscar the Grouch, who replies, "Happy people make me sick." Maybe Kermit should come and visit Hank. Then again, Hank would probably just perform "oral surgery," which is a polite way of saying he would bite off Kermit's appendages. Get well soon, Hank. And stay outta the Vick's.

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #13

Good neighbors are a gift to be treasured.
[Sheesh, what are they doin' over there?] 

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #11

When the troubles of the day weigh heavy on your mind,
and you can't fall asleep, try curling up with a good book.
Be sure to choose one of the proper thickness
so you don't get a cramp in your neck.

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #10

As one grows older, one grows wiser . . .

. . . and in my case, "one" gets even better looking.

(As for the rest of you cats? Just do your best. And try some of that Estee Lauder stuff. Maybe that would help.)

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #9

You will find, in life, that anything worth having . . . 

is worth stalking.

[At least, that's true of your chipmunks, your lizards, and your feathered cuisines.]

Hank's Book of Cat Philosophy: #7

Gardening relaxes the body and feeds the soul . . .
especially if somebody else plants and waters all that stuff
while you take a nice, long nap.